Church hurt. So many people have experienced pain and trauma at the hands of church leaders and congregants. Many of those same people say they will never set foot in a church building again. It’s not hard to understand why they feel this way. I, too, have experienced my share of trauma from church leaders, elders, and other churchgoers. The pain that accompanies slander, accusations, and trauma can oftentimes feel like too much to bear.

Just recently, thoughts bombarded my mind such as, “Why bother even going to church? People just mistreat me and misunderstand me. It seems to be the same story everywhere I go.”

I recognized these thoughts as being lies from the enemy; however, I was able to identify his attempts at isolating me from the body of Christ and press on toward healing and finding a place where I could be myself and find support.

It’s interesting how God led us to our current church. We had decided it was time to leave the church we had attended for three years due to the many unhealthy and unbiblical things we had observed within the leadership. After searching through numerous churches online, we chose another church to “try out.”

Our family piled into the car and headed toward the new church one Sunday morning. My husband and I were in one vehicle with two of our children, and our daughter and son-in-law were in another. Suddenly, we got a call from our daughter saying their truck had caught fire! She had barely made it out of the cab as flames were surrounding her. The two of them were beside themselves, standing on the side of the highway, watching the truck burn until nothing was left. Needless to say, we didn’t make it to the church that day.

We tried again on another Sunday, though we were a little nervous after the truck fire, thinking maybe we weren’t supposed to go. Little did we know, we were about to find our new pastor and church family within that church, yet that was not the church we were to attend. It was a completely different church altogether!

There was a guest speaker that day who announced that God had been speaking to him about starting a new church. We thoroughly enjoyed his preaching. He was funny, held our attention, and preached the truth boldly. I could feel the presence of God all over the mention of the church he was about to start. The name of the new church felt right, it was obvious he was anointed to preach, and so we decided that once it opened, we’d give it a shot.

It took us a few visits before deciding to completely transition over from our old church, but we were confident it was where God wanted us.

Within our new church, we found a body of believers who really love the Lord. They have given me the freedom to be myself without feeling pressured to meet certain expectations. I’ve also been able to bring concerns to the leadership openly and honestly without being met with anger, accusations, or attempts to discredit my concerns.

It’s been so refreshing and healing to my soul to watch God rewrite many of the negative experiences I’ve had with church people in the past. Yes, I’ve forgiven them ALL, but that didn’t erase the trauma that came as a result of those experiences.

Sometimes, we are completely shielded from the pain and trauma others cause us. Other times, it’s a process we have to walk through. If we don’t give up, He’ll bring certain people and situations into our lives that will override the past and bring healing.

Pray. Ask Him to bring divine alignments into your life. Submit all the pain and trauma to Him and ask Him to bring healing into those areas.

“Church hurt” is real, and it’s something we shouldn’t ignore. Ignoring our wounds is not the same as being healed from them. The more we push them down and refuse to look at them, the more they can grow and fester, negatively influencing our day-to-day lives and even our health.

Church hurt is devastating, and sometimes it’s traumatic, but allowing it to separate us from our brothers and sisters in Christ is dangerous. Sheep are safest when they band together and stick close to the shepherd. Bing.com’s AI Overview, explaining why sheep are safer together, gives five main reasons that can correlate to the church. They are:

1. Safety in numbers
2. More eyes and ears for early warning
3. Selfish herd positioning
4. Social cohesion and stress reduction
5. Leadership and coordinated movement

When a sheep wanders off alone, it becomes easier prey to its enemy. An isolated Christian is an easy target. There’s no one around to help keep watch for the enemy lurking in the shadows. There is safety in numbers, and oftentimes others can see what we cannot, and an attack of the enemy can be stopped quickly.

Isolation gives the enemy easy access to our minds. He will whisper lies in our ears, “You don’t need anyone else. You can do church at home.”

Isolation can also lead to depression. People need people.

We need each other, even more so as Jesus’s return draws near.

Sometimes God has an assignment for us in a particular area, and we will face suffering and persecution.

Don’t be alarmed! He said that would happen!

It’s been my experience, however, that He would show me first what was to come. It’s a lot easier to face when you know that God already knows and will work everything out. People are going to talk badly about us, slander us, accuse us, etc. But remember what John 15:18 says: “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.”

As long as we stay close to God, trust Him, and trust His process, we’ll make it through. These things are used to grow and mature us.

If you’ve been hurt by church people, don’t let them stop you from searching out a body of believers who will actually come alongside you. Not everyone is like the people you’ve experienced in the past.

Allow God to lead you to the right place. You may have to try out more than one place, and that’s okay.

Acknowledge the areas in which you’ve been hurt so that you’re aware of the tendency to see every interaction through a lens of hurt. And remember, even though it may have happened many times before, this is a new day, a new story, and a whole new set of people.

And one final thought: I have heard many Christians talk about how they are against therapy. I disagree with their stance. Yes, you should bring all your hurts and pain to God FIRST, and ultimately God is your healer, but talking to a therapist is often beneficial.

When we bring things out into the open, the devil no longer has a place to hide.

I would highly recommend finding a Christian therapist who can share the Word of God with you, help you sort through your emotions, and walk you through your situations from a biblical perspective.

Church hurt does not have to hold you hostage, nor does it have to dictate your life. You can be free of it. Forgive those who have hurt you, let it go, allow God to heal you, and learn to love like Christ.

Love is always willing to put itself out there again and again, knowing full well it may get hurt again. But isn’t that just what He does for us?